silver_sun: (tom and andy)
[personal profile] silver_sun
Fic: Lives Are For Living (37/40)
Fandoms: Torchwood/Being Human.
Pairings: Tom McNair/Andy Davidson. (also appearing/mentioned Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys and hinted at Martha/Mickey)
Word count: 118,188 (out of total projected 148,000)




The drive down to Barry Island and the soon to happen visit to Tom's friends felt to Andy like they were drawing a line under the past, the bad bits of it at least. Nearly a month since the events with the vampires, the weevil, coming so close to losing Tom and his spur of the moment proposal, nothing seemed to have calmed down. Although the claw marks on Tom's side had healed well and the scratches on his own arm had become scars now the scabs had fallen off, the damage that night had done lingered in his head far more than it did on either of their bodies.

Tom getting hurt, his own fight with the weevil, the wait to see if Tom survived transforming back from being a werewolf after losing so much blood haunted his waking thoughts as much as they did his dreams. Sometimes even the proposal was twisted into nightmares and were still moments where he couldn't believe that it was happening. Times when he'd woken late at night and Tom for whatever reason hadn't been in the bedroom when he'd been half convinced that he'd dreamt it all and that it was all a grief-stricken spiral into delusion and madness.

Even when he was sure they had all survived their impending wedding was still a source of worry. He hadn't told his own family that he was engaged yet, as while Simon, Rachel and their children would be happy for him, and James when he finally heard would probably say about time too, David and his mother were an unknown quantity. Part of him held the desperate hope that after a few months to come to terms with the idea that Tom was the only person he wanted to spend his life with they might at least wish him well, even if they didn't want to see him. The part that kept him awake, along with a hundred and one other fears, was that their reaction would be every bit as cruel as it had been at Christmas and he would have to come to terms with the fact that they would never accept who he was.

"You okay?" Tom asked, seeming to realise that Andy's silence has slipped from one of thoughtfulness to something more negative and unhappy.

"Yeah." Andy sighed, not really wanting to talk about it yet or if he was honest, at all. "I was just thinking about people, places and fitting in."

"I think I know what yer mean," Tom said, "These woods, well any old woodland really. They feel like home. Well not exactly home, but I 'spose it's like going back to where yer grew up and it sort of feels right and a bit weird at the same time."

It wasn't exactly, but as he'd not raised his fears about how his mother and eldest brother would look on their engagement and eventual wedding, it was easier to just agree. Coming back here to where his dad was buried had to be hard enough for Tom without him being pathetic about his own still very much alive family. Tom he knew wouldn't have minded if he had, he would have said it was okay to be sad about stuff. Somehow that made things feel worse, more of a failure than he already saw himself. Tom had had it far rougher than him the last two months with vampires, being forced to fight for his life and with getting hurt twice in the space of a month. Tom shouldn't have to deal with him thinking the worst all the time, he was sure of that.

"That ain't it, is it?" Tom said, "Well not all of it anyway, there's somethin' else. Whatever it is you can tell me. If it's 'cause we'll be meeting Hal later and he's a vampire, it'll be alright, he one of the good ones. Probably the only one. He won't try to bite yer or anything."

"It's not that. It's just things, me being stupid," Andy said, still hoping that he could avoid talking about what was really bothering him.

"Don't be daft, yer not stupid." Tom leant in and kissed him. "It's gonna be alright. They'll like yer, I know they will. So don't worry."

There was a loud, appreciative whistle and a young woman stepped out from amongst the trees. "Way to go, Tom. Is this why we finally get a visit?"

Letting go of Tom, Andy turned and stared at her. The woman was a bit taller than Tom, with short reddish-brown hair and she looked like she was dressed to go on a night out. It really wasn't the sort of look people went in for for hanging around the woods just before lunch time on a weekday.

"You can see her?" Tom said shocked, as he looked first at Andy and then at the woman.

"Yes," Andy said giving him a baffled look. "Why wouldn't I? She's right in front of us and talking to us."

"You can hear her too?"

"Hello, Earth to Tom," she said walking over to them. "Are you going to introduce me to tall, cute and Welsh or not?"

Andy looked from one to the other, certain that he was missing something, but was unable to work out what. "I'm Andy. Tom, what's going on? What's wrong?"

The look on Tom's face was one that he'd never wanted to see. It was hurt, angry and afraid as he stared at the mostly healed scars the weevil had left on Andy's arm. "You lied. You lied to me. It was me."

"No, it wasn't," Andy reaching out to him. "It was...."

"Stop lying," Tom said, sounding choked. He scrubbed a hand across his eyes. "I did that, and that's why you can see her. You lied."

"Tom, please..."

"No! I'm not listening." Tears wet on his face, Tom turned away from him and fled into the trees.

"Tom!" Andy ran a few steps forwards, but he'd had already disappeared into the woods.

"Okay," Alex said, walking over to him. "What am I missing here? I mean apart from Tom not telling us he'd found a cute werewolf boyfriend."

"I'm not. Not a werewolf that is. I am his boyfriend, didn't tell you?" Andy said heart sinking. Why hadn't he told them? Had he just wanted it to be a surprise or was it something else? Did he think they wouldn't approve or something because he was a regular human? Was that even a thing? Were werewolves only supposed to date other werewolves? "We been together the best part of a year. We came to tell you we are engaged and to invite you to the wedding."

Alex gave a squeal of delight. "That so great. Tom is like the sweetest guy ever. But I still don't get why he's just run off. I mean, those are pretty noticeable and he knows how the turning people into a werewolf thing goes. He wouldn't have meant to do it, but accidents happen. I never meant to be a ghost." She shrugged. "But hey here I am."

"I'm not a werewolf. He didn't do it. He really didn't do it. It was another creature, I don't know if I should tell you, but it's called a weevil, and it really wasn't him." Andy stared into the trees, but there was no sign that Tom was anywhere nearby. What if he'd gone? Runaway again? What if he never came back? Dropping down on to his knees, Andy covered his face with his hands. He couldn't do this. Couldn't lose Tom. He'd barely been hanging on as it was, dreams about weevils, death, vampires, his family and losing Tom haunting his sleep. He'd tried so hard not to bother him with it, to hide it all, to try to pretend he was okay.

There was cold shivery feeling across his shoulders and he realised that Alex had tried to give him a hug.

"Sorry," she said, "I keep forgetting that...well let's just say being a ghost sucks sometimes. Walking through walls and all that, not as much fun as it sounds." Alex gave him a sad smile. "It really wasn't him, was it?"

Words caught in Andy's throat. Everything was ruined. Why hadn't he told Tom about his nightmares about the fight with the weevil? Why had he avoiding talking about it, changing the subject whenever Tom asked if he was okay? No wonder Tom thought he was lying now. It was his fault, like it always was, like everybody used to tell him it was.

"Really not knowing what to do here," Alex said mostly to herself, then sat down next to him. "We can either wait here for him to come back or we can go back to the house and wait for him there. The house is probably better. Hal's been cleaning the whole morning and there will be tea. I know it doesn't help, but it can't make it any worse and it'll be warmer."

Without Tom, Andy wasn't sure that any of it mattered. Warm or cold he was still alone. He looked at the woodlands which seemed a lot less welcoming than it had when Tom had been with him. "Alright, whatever you think is best," he said, not wanting to have to be the one to make the decision.

The walk back thought the woods passed in a blur and it was only when Alex guiding him towards a residential street did he even think about the land rover parked back on the other side of the woods. He doubted Tom would take it and driving it himself right now seemed the fastest way to have a serious accident. Feeling sick at the thoughts that wouldn't now stop running through his brain, about how if there was nobody else involved, just a tree or a wall then it would bee no great loss to anybody, Andy followed Alex up the steps and across the lawn to the front door of Honolulu Heights.

The door was opened by a man who Andy had little doubt was Hal. From Tom's descriptions of his, it was unlikely that there would be another smartly dressed man who was wearing yellow, rubber washing up gloves and an apron.

He looked at Andy and then at Alex. "Why do I get the distinct feeling that things have not gone to plan."

"There was a plan?" Alex said, sarcasm hiding the fact she was worried. "No wonder its all gone tits up. We should never plan anything. Our plans never go right."

"There was nothing wrong with the plan," Hal replied, showing them in. "The plan was merely that I would make sure the house was clean and tidy, that Tom's old room was aired and that we had sufficient shopping in. My plan was working perfectly. I even had cake."

"He fusses when he's worried," Alex said, as Hal turned his back on them to rearrange some books on shelf. "At least the dominoes aren't out yet."

"Tom said," Andy replied faintly. Part of him wanted to hide somewhere quite, where he didn't have to talk or think or feel, the other wanted to be out searching the woods for Tom. Both felt utterly futile, so Andy leant against the wall and tried not to think about anything.

With the books reordered by height, Hal turned back to them. "Is anybody going to tell me what has happened?"

Alex glanced at Andy, then decided she had better explain, said, "Okay, from what I can gather Tom and Andy, that's Andy by the way. The one he lives with. Turns out it's Lives With in the the they're going out sense." She pointed to him. "They're going to get married, which is great. But Tom thinks he's accidentally turned him into a werewolf. Andy says that's not true and the scratches are from a weevil, which is a type of alien that lives under Cardiff."

Hal listened eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Then he nodded, looking a bit stunned and said, "I should make tea." The he hurried our of the living room.

"That could have gone better," Alex said mostly to herself. She looked Andy, "I'll just go and see if he needs a hand." There was a faint pop and Alex vanished.

Andy looked around the room. The counter bar from when it had been a hotel was still in place as was the wall painted with a Hawaiian beach scene that Tom had told him about. It was easy to imagine him there, sitting on the sofa, watching TV or making something, just like they did at home. Would Tom come back here? he wondered, or would he run? What if he never came back? There'd be no way to find him. Even if he called Gwen and told her....what? That Tom had left him? Because that was what it was, he run off and left him.

Feeling sick at the prospect of having to tell people that the wedding might be off, Andy sat down on the sofa and coved his face with his hands.

The thoughts were still chasing themselves around his head when Hal returned a few minutes later, with two cups of tea and minus the rubber gloves. "I would try not to worry too much," he said as he placed the cups on coasters on the coffee table. "This isn't the first time Tom has run off. Although I had hoped he'd settled down and grown out of it."

"He ended up wandering the countryside and sleeping rough in a tent for six weeks before he found my house," Andy said. He didn't feel like drinking the tea at all, but he picked it up anyway. "That really doesn't make me feel any better."

"There were other times too and he did return," Hal said, sitting down opposite him. "From what I've been told he did the same thing after discovering the truth about McNair and his parents, after McNair died and after the business with Kirby. Had I handled the situation better perhaps he wouldn't have left after the unpleasantness with Larry." There was fleeting look of guilt on his face then he smiled. "Running off for a few hours does seem to be his way of dealing with things. There are two places he'll go when he's not here. Either McNair's grave or a public house in town."

"We were at McNair's grave when he legged it," Alex said. "Do you want me to pop back there have a look round?"

"I don't think that would be the best use of time. He will be trying to think things through, then in a couple of hours give up and and find the nearest a public house," Hal said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself and was only partially succeeding. "I expect he will arrive back here around midnight, apologetic and worse for drink. I hope is that he doesn't get into any fights or fall in with any unscrupulous lawyers this time."

Alex frowned. "This is the same Tom we're talking about here? Embarrassed by women's mags, watches kids TV shows on a saturday morning and is generally a really sweet guy? That Tom? Because I'm not seeing it."

"It was a hard time for us all. I had lost my friends, and so had Tom and Annie. A ghost came to stay with us, not one like you I might add, his name was Kirby. He was manipulative and vindictive in a way that I had only associated with the elders of my kind. He tricked us all, but Tom took it hardest of all. It was his first birthday without his father, his twenty first, one that he believed to be special. Kirby lead him him to believe that Annie and I didn't care about him. When the truth was that we simply didn't know as he had not told us when it was." Hal looked down. "I had not realised how much I would come to value his friendship at that point, but I think it was the turning point where I saw him as more than just another werewolf. He is a truly good man. You are most fortunate to have him."

Andy nodded, feeling like he was sinking into a sea of misery. Tom had told him a bit about Kirby, but it looked liked he'd glossed over just how much he'd been upset by it. Trying to protect me, he thought bitterly, he must have known I'd be useless if he needed me. It wasn't true, and part of him knew it, but somehow it felt easier to believe that everything that was wrong in his life was somehow his own fault and that he deserved it in some twisted way.

Hal leant forwards a little on his seat, before asking seriously, "I know that you believe Tom to be innocent of causing your injury, but are you completely sure that the scratches were not made by him? When he is not himself, I am not certain if anyone could tell who he is."

"Very." Andy put his cup down, his hand shaking and hot tea splashing over his fingers. "Tom had been hurt, I was trying to keep him safe. It was a weevil."

Hal frowned. "But they are a type of beetle that lives in ships biscuits. I fail to see how an insect could cause such injuries."

"Not that type. They a creature, an alien, they live under Cardiff." Andy looked at Alex. "She told you that. I told her. It wasn't Tom. Yes, Tom was a werewolf at the time, he'd been fighting the creature, the weevil. It had knocked to the ground...it was..." Andy closed his eyes, his hands curling into fists, the nails digging into his palms. "I stopped it, but scratched me. Not Tom. I have witnesses that can tell you it wasn't him. Please, will somebody just believe me?"

"I do," Alex said, sitting down next to him. "I mean maybe that's it. The Weevil thing clawed Tom and then when it clawed you it still had werewolf blood on them. Can you catch being a werewolf like that?"

"It doesn't work like that," Hal said, "And you don't smell like a werewolf. Not that I have ever met a werewolf prior to their first change, so perhaps the smell comes later."

"Why doesn't it work like that?" Alex asked. "Because according to you werewolf blood is some pretty freaky stuff."

"To vampires. I have never heard of it having an adverse affect on a human."

"So it's not their blood then?" Alex said, "You learn something every day."

"To become a werewolf you need to be scratched or bitten by a werewolf while they are either changing or fully changed into their wolf form. It is simply not possible to catch it from them while they are in human form. If it were I suspect that half the world would be changing come the full moon." Hal said. "Quite apart from that I would not think that they would have their own blood in their mouths or under their nails as a matter of course for that to be the method of transmission. There has to be some other mechanism that causes it."

"He going into his 'time to lecture the stupid not-a-vampires' mode," Alex said, sounding like she found it more funny than annoying.

"I have never called either you or Tom stupid," Hal replied sounding rather put out. "Although it is rare, there are people who can see ghosts," he added thoughtfully. "Have you ever seen any before?"

"I don't know." Andy looked over at Alex. "I didn't realise you were a ghost, not until I realised who you are. I thought I did on a school trip, years ago, but I'm not sure. The teacher thought it might just have been a tour guide in costume. So maybe I've seen loads, but if they look normal like you there's no way I would be able to tell. I'm not any help, am I?"

"I would not expect you to be," Hal said, "The world ghosts, vampires and werewolves inhabit while technically the same as your own is a hidden one. We live in secrecy or otherwise we would not live at all."

It was basically what Tom had told him, about why he'd hidden what he was, that he'd been scared of what people would do to him. A life lived in secrecy and fear. How many of them were there out there? Andy wondered, how many times had he seen one and never realised?

"To our shame vampires have never really seen werewolves as anything more than a wild animals to be baited and used for entertainment," Hal continued. "For my own part I have only ever counted two werewolves as my friends, and neither of them were particularly knowledgeable on their kind. Not their fault, the lives werewolves lead are so often short and isolated from others of their kind they know nothing more than what their own experiences have taught them."

Andy listened the words going round in his head, none of them getting him any closer to an answer. "So basically," he said eventually. "Neither of you know. Tomorrow I could be howling at the moon or feeling like an idiot for worrying in the first place."

"Pretty much, although if you don't change I think Tom's going to look the bigger idiot for running off," Alex said. While Hal sighed and said, "A little bleak, but in essence true."

They talked for a little longer and Alex offered to go and find another ghost to ask if they'd come across any normal people who could see them. Hal pointed out that bringing Lady Mary into the equation was likely to make matters worse rather than better.

It turned out Hal had to go into work at three and would be gone until around midnight as the hotel he worked in, The Barry Grand, had a conference for deckchair manufacturers on. Hal straightened his tie before he left, saying, "It is in every way as thrilling as it sounds. I doubt I shall be late."

A numb feeling had settled over Andy as the afternoon wore on, like everything that was happening around him was separate, a sheet of glass between him and the rest of the world. Alex had gone out to search for a while, but after finding nothing returned to the house with a faint pop. With nothing else to do Andy and Alex had walked to where his land rover was parked and had then driven it back to Honolulu Heights.

Afternoon dragged into evening and then into the early part of the night, and while Alex talked to try to keep him occupied, Andy found he couldn't concentrate on anything she was saying. She reminded him a bit of Gwen. Nice, well meaning and with a sense of humour that must have made Tom blush. It didn't seem right that somebody who seemed so alive was a ghost. But that was life, and apparently the afterlife too or so it seemed. Cruel and random in whose lives it screwed with.

The warm day had given way to an increasingly wet and windy evening, and idea of Tom cold, alone and thinking the worst, frightened him. Sitting shivering and trying to not cry in the living room at Honolulu Heights had not been how he'd pictured meeting Tom's friends.

After an unsuccessful attempt at taking their minds of Tom and to pass the time until he hopefully returned by watching quizzes and the Antiques Roadshow on the TV Alex seemed to realised that Andy wasn't going to hold it together for too much longer unless they found Tom. So after giving him a reassuring smile and a slightly freaky incorporeal pat on his hand, she'd said check the pubs, pointing out she could pop from one to the other in a few minutes and nobody would see a thing or ask if she wanted to buy a drink.

The house seemed incredibly empty and after a minute or two Andy went to the front door and looked out. There was no way that Tom would have sat around drinking tea and waiting if it had been him out in the woods. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if he should leave the house empty? What if Tom came back while they were all out?

The chances of it didn't feel all that high and after one last glance back inside, Andy slipped out of the house. Shivering in the cold drizzle that had started to fall and with only a vague idea of where the woods were, it was a while to find them and his clothes were damp and clinging to him by the time he stepped into the rustling, creaking darkness of a wood after dark.

What had felt welcoming and alive in the warm sunlight and with Tom by his side now felt unfamiliar and frightening. Wishing that he'd thought to take a coat and a torch that was better than the on his phone, Andy walked deeper into trees. If Alex's theory was correct and tomorrow night he was going to transform surely he should have some of the werewolf benefits by now, Andy thought as he nearly tripped over a root by the side of the path. The close to the full moon Tom was able to see better in the dark, his hearing was sharper than any humans and he had a wolf-like sense of smell. Turning off the light on his phone for a moment, Andy looked around and then closed his eyes and listened. It didn't seem to be happening, so he tried to think of that as a good sign, even if it did make finding Tom harder.

Turning the light back on he wandered deeper into the woods. Finding his way back to Honolulu Heights didn't matter, he told himself, he was going to find Tom and nothing else was allowed to matter, any other thoughts apart from the ones about finding Tom and getting him to listen to him were a distraction. So when after just a few minutes into the woods, Andy realised he was lost he was determined not to let it bother him.

An hour and a half later, cold, wet and scratched by bushes and splattered in mud from slipping on the uneven path in the dark, Andy was starting to reconsider if finding Tom where he was most at home and most easily able to hide was the best plan. What if Tom had gone back to Honolulu Heights? If he found him gone would he go back out to look for him? Would he care? What if he went out to look for him and got hurt? What if he didn't see the land rover parked to the side of Honolulu Heights, would he think he'd gone home without him?

The battery on his phone gave a warning bleep that the power was getting low, and that soon the torch app that he had would stop working along with the rest of it. Switching it off for a moment, Andy closed his eyes and listened to the unfamiliar sounds around him. Tom would be able to tell him exactly what they were, but to his ears it was nothing more than formless creaking, rustling and dripping.

Opening his eyes again, Andy was just about to turn his light back on when he saw a faint light flickering amongst the trees off to his left. Not really caring what was making it, Andy made his way towards it. Negotiating the woods in the dark wasn't easy, but Andy didn't want to risk switching on his phone-light and losing the other in the process.

As he got nearer Andy realised that the faint light coming from the old camper van. Trying to be as quiet as he could he walked over to it, hoping that Tom wouldn't run from him again.

Tom was sitting hunched up on the back step of it, bottle of cheap vodka in his hand. He looked up only once Andy was right in front of him. His eyes were red and puffy as he stared up miserably at him. "Jus' go away."

"No. I want you to listen to me," Andy said leaning against the van, making it awkward for Tom to get past him. At least that was part of the reason, the rest was that the relief at finding Tom here and safe had left cold and shaky his legs suddenly like jelly beneath him.

"Why?" Tom rubbed a hand across his eyes. "So yer can lie to me again? It weren't like I weren't gonna find out eventually, were it? so why? why'd you lie to me? Why'd yer do it? I thought you loved me."

"I didn't lie and I'm still not," Andy said catching hold of his hand. "And of course I still love you, you idiot, why else would I be wandering out in the woods looking for you? You can call Gwen if you like or Martha or Mickey, they all saw the weevil. They saw what it did and what I did." He swallowed hard. He was going to have to tell Tom the full story eventually, but voice cracked all the same. "I thought it had killed you. So I killed it, I grabbed a metal bar and I hit it. I kept hitting it. Hitting until it stopped, until it...until." The memory of its blood hot and sticky on his hands, how it had raised a clawed hand to shield itself and how he'd not stopped. How human its eyes had looked before they had closed for the last time. "Why do you think I can't sleep? It's not because I can't see how we can afford to get the road to the farm resurfaced, okay mostly not that. It's I see it, I see you...I killed it and I can't...I can't stop thinking about it."

"Hey, it's okay. It's all over, just take a while to know it sometimes. We all remember stuff like, you shoulda told me," Tom said, seeming to have forgotten he was angry with him. Getting up, he took off his coat and put it around Andy's shoulders. "Yer hands freezing' you know that? It ain't all that warm tonight, you should've put a coat on. Don't want you getting sick, that'd be my fault an' all."

"I won't. I'm fine." Not that that was right. He wasn't fine, he was so far from fine it made him want to laugh at the utter absurdity of claiming to be. To laugh until it all turned to tears and he could let go. He wanted to fall and have Tom catch him like he always did, but Tom didn't look any better than he felt. It wasn't fair that when Tom needed to be the strong one that he was going to let him down.

"I still want yer to have it. It don't matter, and I don't matter, 'cause I think I'm too drunk enough 'm not feeling cold. And I still don't how can you see Alex?" Tom said plaintively, the words slurring together in places. "I don't understand."

"I don't know, Hal said that maybe I just could, there are few people who can do it apparently. It's rare, but it happens. Maybe it was growing up in Cardiff on the Rift. Or they say people who are mad can see them, maybe that's it. I guess there has to be some upside to spending half your life feeling like you should do the world a favour and..." Andy said stopped, the bitterness and desperation in his own voice frightening him. "And Alex wondered if maybe when the weevil clawed you and then it clawed me that maybe it still had some of your blood on them."

"Then it's still my fault, if it's that," Tom said, starting to cry again. "You were trying to help me and I've made you like me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You shoulda just let it have me, it'd have bin better than that.."

"It wouldn't, and we don't know for sure," Andy said, putting his arms around him. "It was just an idea, Hal didn't think much of it. He thinks there's some magic type thing to it, but he doesn't know what."

"And you?" Tom said, "What'd'ya think?"

"I don't know. I don't feel any different," Andy said. Looking out at the dark and silent woodland, he wondered again why if he was just a few hours from being a werewolf he hadn't got improved senses by now? "If I let go of you, you won't run away will you? Because I can't...if she's right, Tom. I can't do this without you."

"I won't," Tom replied still sounding like he wanted to cry. "It were a stupid thing t'do. I'm sorry, I were just scared. I've always said if I did it, if I changed somebody then that'd be it, that I'd..."

"Don't you dare," Andy snapped, grabbing hold of Tom's shoulders and shaking him. He could couldn't hear him say it, because if he did it would never leave him. It would be there in his head forever, ready to consume him every time Tom was out of his sight. "Don't you fucking dare leave me to do this alone. I can't...I can't..." The breath caught in his throat, heart beating too fast and his blood roaring in his ears.

Tom was saying something to him, but it was muffled. The flickering light of the candle started to grey out, the world falling away from him. He was sick of the fear, of having fight it all the time, of remembering how alive he'd once been and how he felt he'd never be again. He didn't want to fight any more. Closing his eyes, Andy let himself fall.

The world was dark and it smelt like Tom. It was safe. It would have been somewhere he could have stayed, could have hid from everything, if it hadn't been for one thing.

"...won't do anything' stupid, for you I won't, I promise. I used to think that when I didn't have you or anybody. Now I've got you and won't," Tom begged, shaking and crying. "Just please be alright, please." He gave a sob and held Andy tighter. "I shouldn't've run off, it were stupid and I shoulda thought about you rather'n me, and I promise I won't do it again. Not ever. Whatever happens I'll never leave yer. Never. Please just say something. Please."

Andy head ached and his heart still felt like it was racing as he tried to move, he didn't want to sit up or face anything that was going on, but with effort he managed to say, "Don't let me go."

Tom heard him and said, "Yer scared me. I thought... I dunno what I thought. I think yer might've fainted or somethin'" He sniffed loudly. "We can stay were as long as yer want. Unless you wanna go and then we can go, wherever you want."

"Stay," Andy said, closing his eyes and wishing that he could hid from the world in Tom's arm forever.

Minutes or hours later, Andy wasn't sure, as Tom seemed content to sit holding him for as long as he needed it, he finally felt able to sit up. The candle had burnt away to nothing and the rain had stopped, while the woodland around them was as dark and still as it had been before. Feeling chilled to the bone, Andy tried to convince himself it was purely physical. Tom had to half frozen without his coat, feeling guilty about it and everything else, he said, "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it were all my fault. Are yer gunna be okay?" Tom said sounding uncertain, although whether it was about whether he should be asking or because he was afraid of what what the answer would be Andy wasn't sure.

Lying about being fine had brought them to this, and Andy shook his head. "No, but I want to be. But everything that's happened, it's too much. I can't do it. Not by myself. I don't know if I can do it at all."

"I'll help yer, whatever happens, whatever you need me t'do," Tom said, stroking his hair. "Just tell me and I'll do it. Martha said about talking to somebody about things to me. I don't think I need to, maybe it'd help you? Do yer want me to ask her? She seemed really nice."

What good would it do? Andy thought miserably, curling further into Tom's arms. He couldn't tell them the truth, with all its aliens, werewolves, vampires and ghosts. They'd think he was delusional. What if they locked him up and try to convince him Tom didn't exist? "Don't, please don't," Andy said, suddenly certain that's what would happen. It would be like seeing the police shrink all over again. "They can't know about werewolves or the rest of it."

"Alright," Tom said, not sounding sure it was the right decision. "I won't unless you want me to. I think we should go back to the house and let Hal and Alex know we're okay. Is that alright?"

Andy wasn't entirely sure he wanted to do that either, but he was cold and damp, and Tom must have been half frozen without a coat. Swallowing hard, he nodded and managed a weak, "Okay."

Tom somehow managed to lead them out of the woods and down near deserted residential streets, until shivering and stumbling they arrived back at Honolulu Heights in the early hours of the morning.

Hal opened the door before they had got half way up the path, the warm light from the house spilling out around him and seeming to welcome them home.

Hal looked at Tom for a moment once they were safely inside the front hallway and then hugged him. "Thomas, you really must stop doing this. You had everybody worried."

"I know," Tom mumbled. "M'sorry. I'm idiot."

"You're back," Alex said appearing next to them in the hall, "That's all that matters. Well that and you saying you won't do it again. Have you any idea how many pubs I've been into night looking for you? I've even been to A&E, you know just in case."

"'m very sorry," Tom mumbled detaching himself from Hal and putting an arm back around Andy.

"Well A&E wasn't a complete loss," Alex said, with a smile. "There was a particularly cute ghost there, used be a doctor back in the Sixties. So I said I pop down again some time and find out a more about what to do in Barry when you're dead."

"You were supposed to be looking for Tom," Hal said sounding scandalised. "Not making assignations with strangers."

"If you mean chatting up," Alex said, "There's nothing against it and he knew more about what was going on the hospital than anybody else, so two birds with one stone and all that. Plus." She pointed to herself. "Woman. I can multi-task."

As entertaining as watching Hal and Alex would have been under different circumstances, Andy didn't want to have to talk or interact with anybody. Anybody that wasn't Tom, he corrected himself.

"We're gonna call it a night," Tom said, making Andy stayed on his feet. "It's okay if we stay in my old room, ain't it?"

"Of course," Hal replied. "It has been a trying day, hopefully tomorrow will be better."

Andy doubted it, but Tom had agreed with Hal, and then keeping an arm about him had helped him up the stairs.

"This were my room," Tom said, showing him into a bedroom at the front of the house. "I mean it ain't much, but it's better than kipping in the van. Warmer. It even has a bed."

"That's why they call it a bedroom," Andy said, wondering if he could crawl into it now, without having to bother to get undressed. Cold and tired, it seemed like it would be more effort than it was worth.

"There a shower just along the hall down there." Tom leant round the door and pointed. "I'll go an see if the waters still hot. Try and get you warm again.

"I'll wait here," Andy said. He didn't really want Tom out of his sight, but following him to the bathroom was definitely too much.

Tom gave his hand a squeeze. "I'll only be a minute."

Andy nodded and then tried to distract himself with what was in the room. The answer was not much. A bed, a wardrobe, couple of empty cupboards and a solitary chair made up the furnishings. It should have been as impersonal as a hotel room, but for one thing. One wall was covered in pictures and notes. Cuttings from magazines and newspapers of houses, families, cars and holiday destinations were pinned haphazardly about images of Christmas and birthday parties.

Walking up to it, Andy touched the tattered papers. It made his heart ache for what it represented: A frightened and lonely young man's hopes and dreams for a future, that for the most part must have seemed impossibly out of reach.

Turning away from it he sat down on the end of the bed and waited for Tom to return.



TBC
By Dec 24th at the latest.


A/N
Yes, I know, this is the best part of a week late and a 7000 words a bit long. I will try to get the next part up before Christmas. I had wanted to get it done by the end of the year, but with having to work overtime at work it will probably be the first week in January by the time the last part goes up.

Not a happy part, but it will get better from here on in for the chatacters, well with only three parts to go after this it has to to get their happy ending. (Because anybody who knows my fics know that 99% of the time the ending will be happy or at least hopeful. I don't do tragic.)




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