Childhood oddness
May. 22nd, 2009 10:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silver_sunI suppose everybody who’s going to be a parent feels like this at some time or another, that they wonder whether they will be a good parent, how they are going to manage.
With baby due a little over 15 weeks from now I feel unprepared for how life will be. I’ve looked into all the information about giving birth, about pain relief and the sort of things that can go wrong. I don’t like going into things without information.
Honestly I feel like the giving birth part is going to be the easy bit – after that I’ve got years of being responsible for somebody. It’s not that I dislike the idea of responsibility, I have quite often taken that role on at work, it’s that I have no clue what normal childhood life is supposed to be like.
My own childhood was odd. I never went to school. Sometimes months would pass without ever going outside of the small village I lived in. I can count the number of times that as a child I got to interact with other children my own age almost on the fingers of one hand.
My mum had her reasons for choosing the life that we lead then, chief amongst which was my brother’s illness and they fact that she was bringing us up alone.
I don’t bare any ill feeling towards her for the isolation of my childhood, she was only doing what she felt was for the best. However I can’t help but feel that there is so much that I missed out on, that I will never get to experience.
I know that I’m probably still a little odd in my interactions with people, although I doubt I’m a bad as when I started college, and finally started to interact with people outside of my family. I just didn’t know how to talk people, to make small talk (and honestly I still suck at it). I remember my first day there, realising that there were more people in the canteen than in the whole of the village where I grew up.
This is rather away from the point, well if I actually had a point with this post. I guess it’s just stupid nerves because this is something that I can’t study for, can’t really look up in a book.
With baby due a little over 15 weeks from now I feel unprepared for how life will be. I’ve looked into all the information about giving birth, about pain relief and the sort of things that can go wrong. I don’t like going into things without information.
Honestly I feel like the giving birth part is going to be the easy bit – after that I’ve got years of being responsible for somebody. It’s not that I dislike the idea of responsibility, I have quite often taken that role on at work, it’s that I have no clue what normal childhood life is supposed to be like.
My own childhood was odd. I never went to school. Sometimes months would pass without ever going outside of the small village I lived in. I can count the number of times that as a child I got to interact with other children my own age almost on the fingers of one hand.
My mum had her reasons for choosing the life that we lead then, chief amongst which was my brother’s illness and they fact that she was bringing us up alone.
I don’t bare any ill feeling towards her for the isolation of my childhood, she was only doing what she felt was for the best. However I can’t help but feel that there is so much that I missed out on, that I will never get to experience.
I know that I’m probably still a little odd in my interactions with people, although I doubt I’m a bad as when I started college, and finally started to interact with people outside of my family. I just didn’t know how to talk people, to make small talk (and honestly I still suck at it). I remember my first day there, realising that there were more people in the canteen than in the whole of the village where I grew up.
This is rather away from the point, well if I actually had a point with this post. I guess it’s just stupid nerves because this is something that I can’t study for, can’t really look up in a book.