Fic: Closer Together and Further Away. (9/11)

[silver_sun]

It was following evening, the hot day fading into a comfortably warmth, before Ianto managed to find Jack alone. Sitting once again on the furthest jetty, his feet dangling over the side into the water, he cut a lonely figure.

Nervous, he felt like he should have made an effort to look smarter. It didn't seem right asking Jack if he wanted to be in a relationship with him when he was so scruffy. Wearing just his waistcoat and with his trousers rolled up to his knees after spending half the day working out on the lake, Ianto ran his hand through his hair trying to get it a little neater.

Taking a deep breath, Ianto walked up to him. “Hello, Jack. I've been looking for you.”

“Why?” Jack asked wearily without turning round. “What do you want?”

“I've been thinking...” Ianto began, hoping that Jack would prove to be in a better mood than he had the previous day.

“And you think I haven't? I've done nothing but think,” Jack snapped at him. “It's not like I can do anything else anymore.”

“Well you could actually try talking to us for a change,” Ianto replied, rather more crossly than he'd intended. He'd played out the start to this conversation so many different ways in his head all day and none of them had been like this.

“About what? You don't want to know the things I've been thinking about, believe me.” Angry and tense, he stood up ready to walk away from Ianto. “When I was away, what I saw, what happened, how it all ended. Just be glad you don't have those memories.”

It was the closest thing they'd had to an admission that something bad had happened while he was away. It made Ianto wonder just how much of Jack's current distantness and bad moods were a product of more than his slowly healing leg and how much was him finally having time to start working through things that had quite possibly been building up for years. Whatever it was, it was dragging Jack down. Missing meals and skipping exercises meant to strengthen his leg weren't going to help him. “I'm worried about you,” Ianto said putting his hand on Jack's arm.

“Yeah, so worried you started sleeping with Owen,” Jack said bitterly, pushing his hand away.

“I thought you were dying,” Ianto said, immediately regretting how awful that sounded.

“And that makes it so much better, does it?”

“No.” Any resolve that Ianto had about having the conversation rationally crumbled. He felt sick at the thought that he had been adding to Jack's unhappiness. Of course Jack was upset, he had every right to be. His and Owen's timing had been terrible and he'd done nothing but think about what he wanted and needed since. “I'm sorry. I just needed...” His voice cracked and scrubbed a hand across his eyes. He'd been so low that night, that if Owen hadn't been there he's not sure what would have happened to him.

“Hey, I'm sorry.” Jack caught hold of his hand. “I know. I've been there. I shouldn't have tried to make you feel bad for that. It was low, real low.”

Ianto sniffed only feeling marginally better. “We should have told you, not gone behind your back.”

“You weren't. We weren't together. Hell I'd probably have done the same,” Jack said putting an arm around him. “It might hurt that you couldn't trust me enough to tell me. But I don't get to make you feel guilty when you did nothing wrong.”

“I'm still sorry.” Ianto sighed. “I could have dealt with this so much better than I have.”

“So could I,” Jack said quietly. “I just feel so angry all the time and so damn guilty. ”

“You've got nothing be guilty about,” Ianto said, letting Jack lean against his shoulder. “All the things you've said to us, we understand. Yes, some of it hurt, but you were hurting more.”

“Not that, not only that.” Jack shivered despite the warm evening. “It's because all this is my fault. I should have made you two stand back while I secured the crate. I could have got you killed. I dream about it you know. Waking up in the marsh, with you and Owen dead beside me, and I'm back to not being able to die, however much I try and no one finds us...” He trailed off, breath catching and he turned his face against Ianto's shoulder.

“Jack?”

There was just a wet sniff in response and Ianto realised that Jack was crying. It seemed terrible and so very wrong to see Jack like this, the weeks of pain both mental and physical having taken their toll until he couldn't bear it in silence any longer.




Stroking his hair, he let Jack cry, knowing that sometimes there was nothing else left to do. In the days following Lisa's death there had been days that he'd seemed to do nothing else, the delayed grief from everything that had happened at Torchwood Tower threatening to drive him under. Jack had been the one who'd held him together. The least he could do was return the favour.

“I'm sorry,” Jack mumbled against Ianto's shoulder.

“Don't be. None of this is your fault.” Putting an arm around Jack, Ianto moved him so he could see his face again. His eyes were red and still full of tears, but it was the loneliness and defeat in them that worried Ianto the most. Remembering how Jack had assumed he would kiss him the previous day, had seemed to want him, Ianto leant in and kissed him.

Jack hesitated for a moment, then responded, hands gripping the front of Ianto's waistcoat like he was scared to let go and kissing him back, hungry and desperate for affection.

“What will you tell Owen?” Jack asked, as they slowly pulled back from each other.

“That I kissed you. He knows how I feel about you.” Ianto licked his lips, suddenly dry and nervous again. “Actually that's what I came to talk to you about.”

Jack tried to smile and failed. “I hope you'll be happy together. You deserve it. I know Owen can be difficult, but if he loves you there nothing he won't do for you.”

“That not what I meant,” Ianto said quickly, touched that Jack would put his happiness before his own. “We want you to join us. For it to be the three of us. Together.”

“I don't know,” Jack replied, looking and sounding stunned. “I did that once before, and I don't mean those twin acrobats I told you about. I loved them both more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anyone, I even died for them. I don't know if I can do it again.”

“We aren't them, whoever they were,” Ianto said carefully, not wanting Jack to think he was disregarding something that had obviously meant a great deal to him. “You know me and you know Owen, I just want you to think about it and not judge us on what you had with someone else.”

“You amaze me sometimes, Ianto Jones,” Jack said, taking hold of Ianto's hand. “You're still so young, but I'd swear you're one of the wisest people I know.” He smiled, tears still in his eyes. “I can try, but I can't promise you more than that.”

Ianto smiled feeling almost giddy with relief. “That's as much as anyone can give. Thank you.” He pressed a brief kiss to Jack's lips. “Thank you, Jack. Thank you.”


“How did you know about me and Owen?” Ianto asked as they leant shoulder to shoulder, watching the sun dip lower on the horizon, and the twin moons rise in the darkening sky.

Jack laughed, although there was still something fragile behind it. “You two, really not subtle.”

“We did try.”

“I know.” Jack smiled at him, warm and genuine this time. “You gave it away though.”

“Me?” Ianto frowned wondering when he'd been indiscreet.

“It was nothing you did,” Jack reassured him. “It's how you looked. You were happy. It made me wish I could have been the one to make you look like that.”

“You already have,” Ianto said, resting his head against Jack's shoulder.

“I told you he wouldn't say no.”

They turned to see Owen standing behind them, a smug expression on his face at being proved right.

“How long have you been there?” Ianto asked, realising that they must have been so engrossed in each other that they hadn't heard him.

“Only just got here. But I'm right though, aren't I?”

“How could I say no?” Jack grinned at him, a good imitation of how free his smile has once been. “Two gorgeous guys asking if I want to get in bed with them, of course I said yes.”

“Come on then.” Owen held out a hand to help Jack to his feet. “Let's go get something to eat and work out what we can do about getting a bigger bed.”

Then together they walked back to the house, the bright moonlight from the two nearly full moons shining down on the village.


X0X0X0X


“So this is home,” Jack said looking around the dimly lit interior of the house.

It wasn't the word Ianto would have chosen to use. Home still meant a place far away, his flat on the edge of Cardiff with his things in it, his CDs, his books and the old family photos that sat on the Welsh dresser he'd inherited from Gran. This was just a house. A bed, a few woven storage baskets and a raised clay hearth to cook over and keep them warm. Despite Owen and himself having lived there since their first night together, they'd done very little to it. Between caring for Jack and working around the village there had been no time to do the repairs the place needed or replace the rather tattered reed mats that covered the floors and walls.

“Pon-Pel said it belonged a couple who moved out to the coast,” Ianto said when he realised that Jack was actually waiting for some kind of answer to what he'd said. “Apparently they have some salt pans there. They went to take over the family business.”

“Luckily for us,” Owen said, bringing in the straw stuffed mattress that Jack had had, and putting it down next to the one he and Ianto shared. “Cisca-Mar said you could have this until you've had time to make your own. I think she was glad to have the place back to herself.”

“So how do you want to do this?” Jack said sitting down on the edge of the mattress. “Because I was thinking we could all get naked and see what happens.”

Owen snorted, trying and failing not to laugh.

“Hey I've been waiting more than a year for this.”

“You been planning on getting me and Owen into bed together since...” Ianto did a few rough calculations in his head. “At least as long ago as that business with the weevil fight club?”

“Yeah,” Jack said with absolutely no conviction at all. “Yeah that’s exactly what I meant.”

Worried about why Jack would feel the need to lie to them about it, Ianto sat down next to him. “It wasn't, was it?”

Jack rubbed his wrist absently, and the shook his head. “I was away for longer than it seemed to you. It was a year. A real long year. A lot of things happened, and it really wasn't fun.” He shook his head again, a haunted look in his eyes. “And no, I'm not talking about it. Not now, not tonight.”

“If you don't want to tell us about it, don't,” Owen said sitting down on the other side of him. “But if there's anything we should know about, I mean anything you don't want us doing tonight, you'll say, won't you?”

Jack stared at him, confused at first and then horrified. “No. No, it was nothing like that. Believe me he was a monster, but never like that. I was a prisoner. Terrible food and boredom was the worst of it for me. The world went to hell and back, but it all got fixed in the end. Even me.” He smiled, lost and melancholy for a moment then he leant forward and kissed Owen, slow and deep, his hand stroking the back of Owen's neck.





“Hold that thought,” Jack whisper against Owen's lips as he pulled back. Then, turning to Ianto, he kissed him as well.

With a soft sigh, Ianto closed his eyes, letting the sensations wash over him, ready to allow Jack to take control of what would happen, happy to give him back some much needed control over his life.

Link to part ten