Fic: Lives Are For Living. (19/35)
Oct. 13th, 2013 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
silver_sunTitle Lives Are For Living. (19/40)
Fandoms Torchwood/Being Human crossover fic.
Characters/pairings Andy Davidson/Tom McNair. Other Torchwood and Being Human characters will appear later on.
Word count: This part 3000 (Total posted 44,550 /90,000)
Rating This part pg (adult over all)
Contains Mentions of depression/anxiety. Mentions of past canon major character death. Mention of minor character death – not canon. In later parts canon level violence, graphic sex, Andy's homophobic mother. Spoilers for Being Human (UK version) up to series 5 episode 3, and for Torchwood up to Children of Earth.
A/N: Crossover with Being Human. Technically a CoE fix it as it's set in the same 'verse as Finding Ways To Smile Again (although that isn't apparent until about 2/3 the way through the story). Follows on from Break and Breakaway from Tom McNair's POV – which is where it breaks from Being Human canon.
Summary
After being pushed out of the police force following the events of Children of Earth, Andy Davidson tries to build a new life for himself in the deep in the Welsh countryside.
Tom McNair walked out off his old life after realising it wasn't what he needed.
A chance meeting would take their lives in directions that they had never expected and bring them love that they'd not thought they'd find.
Starts here: http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/214504.html
How they got out of bed most days he wasn't sure, Andy thought with as smile, as he fixed up the battery powered light in the small makeshift extension they had built to house an indoor toilet. They were definitely still in the massively horny, couldn't keep their hands to themselves phase of a new relationship.
He'd probably had more sex the past few weeks than in the preceding year or two. Finding out what Tom liked, seeing Tom discover new things and finding out new things about himself too was a wonderful, if sometimes pleasantly tiring experience. When you had no interruptions, no work to go to and nothing that needed to be done by a certain time there was definitely the opportunity to explore a lot of possibilities.
He knew they had fallen behind a bit on his plans for renovating the farm house, but the weather had turned wet and cold almost as soon as autumn had started and showed no sign of letting catch a break. Part of him wanted to say screw opening the farm up as a camp site, they could live on his money, they could shut out the world and they'd be fine by themselves. The other, what he hoped was his more rational side, said that was just fear talking, that becoming hiding away, cutting himself off from friends and family wasn't a sensible coping mechanism and that failing to make plans for the future didn't actually help. He was grateful that most of the time and on most days that part of him was winning.
With the light fixed in place, Andy sat down on the box containing the tiles for when they eventually finished plastering the room. It amazed him sometimes, in quiet moments like this when there was time to think, just how much his life had changed in the months since his enforced retirement from the police.
Situational depression and generalised anxiety had been the diagnosis he'd been given at the time. They'd given him the statistics too, one in four people would experience some kind of depression in their life. For some people it was something that was life long while for others it might be a singular episode caused by grief, divorce or loss of a job. They'd explained to him at the time that much of what he was feeling was connected to his service in the police, that if he removed himself from that source of stress, it would be beneficial. The cynical part of him wondered now if they'd just been positioning him to accept the retirement.
Knowing that he'd never have to return to the police station, never had to see the people who didn't speak to him any more and never have to wonder what the conversations they were having and which stopped as soon as they saw him enter the room were about, had been a relief. He'd still felt horrendously guilty about that relief. Fears, that in moments of objectivity he knew were unfounded, still occasionally crept up on him. Like the worry that if he wasn't out on the beat any more anybody who died or was hurt on what had been his patrol route would still somehow be his fault. Even telling himself that there would be another officer on the route now, that he'd often covered other people routes without feeling they were letting the world down, didn't make him feel any better in those moments.
There were a lot less bad moments now though than there had been. Here with just Tom and no more pressing concerns than finishing the extension for the indoor toilet before the weather turned even nastier those fears seemed distant, at least most of the time. Not that being in love had solved everything. As while in the good times it felt wonderful, like he was finally getting something in his life right, in the bad ones it meant there was yet another person he was letting down.
Today, so far at least, was a good day, Andy decided he went back into the living room.
Tom was sitting at the table reading a letter, a birthday card lying on top of its envelope next to his now cold mug of tea.
“It's your birthday?” Andy said in surprised. Logically he knew that Tom had to have a birthday, everybody did, whether they chose to celebrate it or not, he'd just not realised that it was today.
“Not 'til Monday,” Tom said, putting down the letter. “It were just Hal fussing and posting it in plenty of time, either that or he forgot what day it were. Although I reckon Alex must have picked the card, 'cause it don't seem like anything Hal would thought to get.”
“This is the Hal who you lived at the hotel with?” Andy asked, realising that although Tom had talked about his past, it had often been in such general terms that he wasn't always sure just when some of the things happened or where Tom had been at the time.
“Yeah.” Tom smiled broadly. “He's a hotel manager now. Not the old one we live in neither. The Barry Grand. It's right on the sea front too. I worked there for a bit before...” he fidgeted with the edge of the letter, then added quieter, “before I left.”
Grand and Barry Island weren't two words that Andy would have put together. Old amusement arcades, tacky kiss me quick hats, pound shops and a popular TV sitcom, yes, but not much else. “It sounds like things are going well for him. He was the one with the...” Andy stopped trying to find something that sounded better than addiction or drug habit, before settling on the rather vague, “the problem.”
“Yeah, but he says he ain't touched any since I left,” Tom replied proudly. “An' I believe him. He'd said it before an' bin lying, but he were such a knob when he were on it I don't reckon he'd have kept his job if he were.” He turned on to the second page of the letter. “And Alex is living there, not got her door yet.”
Tom sounded like he'd got mixed feelings about that, so Andy doubted something like 'couldn't she nip down B&Q?' would be the right thing to say. “That's good, isn't it?” he said carefully, wondering if it was some kind of slang term that had gone completely over his head.
“Yeah.” Tom still didn't sound totally sure. He looked down at the letter again and then folded it up and put it in his pocket seeming to have decided that what he said had been rather strange. “I mean it's not like a real door or a it's just...well it's hard to explain, it's sort of a special door and I think only she can see it when she finds it. But it's not weird or anything.”
“Oh, right,” Andy replied, now even less certain about what Tom was talking about. With the little that Tom had told him about the old hotel that him, Hal, Alex, Annie and apparently a load of other people had lived in, plus the fact that they all seemed to have rather a lot of issues going on in their lives, he wondered if it had either been a hostel or even a squat. Whatever it was he was glad to hear that at least some of Tom's friends were getting on well in life, especially after all that Tom had told him about losing friends and having no family beyond his late father. Hoping to turn the conversation back towards something that he had a chance of understanding, Andy said, "So have you got any plans or ideas for what you'd like for your birthday?"
Looking like he really hadn't actually thought about it until the card had reminded him, Tom said, “No,I mean I 'spose a cake or something from the bakery in town and we have a few drinks. I don't mind really. Ain't like it's a big one this year."
"Let me know if you get any ideas," Andy said, doubting that Tom would ask him for any thing. Which meant he really needed to think of something himself and Andy freely admitted he was rubbish at buying presents at the best of times, and four days wasn't long to get anything, especially when he had absolutely no idea what to get for him. They'd only been in a relationship for a few weeks, so he didn't want to go too extravagant or expensive as he knew Tom would be all awkward about it and would feel that he needed to do the same when it came round to his birthday. Electronic gadgets weren't really Tom's thing, he'd still not quite managed to get the hang of texting on the very basic mobile he'd eventually bought and most of the rest he didn't really see a point to. Nor did Tom seem to have any favourite bands or films that he could get DVDs of, and he didn't seem to borrow any books from the library in Rhayader, so beyond the ones that Tom had borrowed of his own he didn't know what he'd really be interested in reading. Clothes were a possibility, not that he liked clothes shopping, he didn't, although clothes didn't seem right as the only present, but a couple of thick jumpers might not be a bad idea given how cold the days were getting.
Taking Tom into Cardiff and letting him have a look round the shopping centres and so that when he saw something that he liked and he could buy it for him was probably the best plan, Andy decided. He could take him out for a meal as well and maybe even meet up with Gwen for a drink. They'd have to go at the weekend though as the last thing he wanted was to run into his mother doing her shopping, which was always done on a Monday. Coming out to her in the middle of a busy shop with half of Cardiff staring at him was a pretty terrifying thought.
Trying not entirely successfully to sound casual about it, Andy said, “I've been meaning to go into Cardiff for a while as there are a few things that I need to get. Do you fancy coming with me? We could make a weekend of it? Go Saturday morning, stay overnight, maybe go out for a meal, come back on Sunday.”
“Saturday?” Tom said, not sounding remotely enthusiastic about the idea. “I can't, I've got a load of carvings to finish, and I said I'd help out on the Mrs Griffiths from the craft shop on the market selling stuff.”
“It's only a couple of hours drive,” Andy said, hoping that Tom would agree to a compromise. “We could go after the market has finished. It's done by four, isn't it? I could come into Rhayader and pick you up. We could drive down to Cardiff, find somewhere to stay and get an early start on Sunday.”
“Nah, it's not really my thing,” Tom replied, turning away. “Anyway, I'd better get a start on these.” He pointed to a box of pieces of wood cut into rough rectangles. “I said I've have some house number things done. You should go though, if we need the stuff. I reckon it'll get right hard to get out of this place once the weather get bad.”
“Well if you're sure,” Andy said disappointed, but not wanting to push it. Especially not as since Tom had politely, but firmly told him the day after they'd started to sleep together that he didn't want to be paid for working on the farm any more and the sale of the wood carvings had become Tom's only source of income. Not that there was anything he needed to pay for as Andy paid all the bills and bought the shopping, but having the money and independence to buy anything else he needed was a good thing as far as Andy was concerned and he wasn't going to do anything to threaten it.
Perhaps having a day apart might even do them some good. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, not that he wanted there to be much of an absence. There had only been a couple of nights since they'd begun their relationship when they'd not spent the night in the same bed. Both times Tom had been restless for a couple of days before hand and had as evening approached said he was going out for a walk and that walking in the dark cleared his head. He'd worried about him, but both times in the morning Tom had been back at the house when he'd woken up, looking happier than he'd done the previous evening. Walking around in the cold and dark wasn't his own idea of fun or calming, but it seemed to work for Tom so he went along with it. Not wanting Tom to think that he was too disappointed, Andy added, “I should probably call in on my mam, let her know how things are going.”
“Does she live in Cardiff then?”
Andy nodded. “Yes, and so does David.”
“Who's David?” Tom asked, putting the box down on the table.
Andy sat down on the sofa, wondering why he'd not told Tom anything about his family until now. “He's my oldest brother,”
“You've got brothers and sisters?” Tom asked, caught somewhere between sad and envious.
“Just brothers,” Andy replied. It had been a long time since he'd seen them, and even longer since they'd all been together. Between all their jobs it had made it difficult to find a time when they all were in the same county, never mind all in Cardiff. “There's three of them and they're all a fair bit older than me, David will be fifty next year. Then there's James, he's out on HMS Montrose at the moment, and there's Simon who lives over in Cowbridge. I don't really see them that much any more. Never really were that close I guess.”
“Oh, right,” Tom said, not sounding like he really understood why. “Well I guess I'll meet them all one day, won't I?”
That was a whole conversation that he didn't want to get into right now, so Andy just nodded and said, “Of course.”
Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Tom gave him a happy smile and turned back to his carvings.
It could work, Andy told himself as he leant back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He'd have to tell his family about Tom eventually. He wanted Tom in his life and he could hardly hide him and their relationship from them forever, so he'd have to tell them the truth. That while he'd dated women, there had been men too and now that he'd found Tom he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He loved him, nothing was going to change that, so they would just have to get used to the idea.
It was far easier said that done though, especially given what he knew his mother's feeling to be on the matter. Although she was contrary enough about some issues that knowing for certain exactly how she'd react was an impossibility. The fact that Christmas was just six weeks away did give him one idea on how to start getting them used to the idea. He knew his mum would have the inevitable questions about what he was doing to for Christmas and although part of him wanted to tell her that he'd made plans, taking Tom with him and letting her see what a nice person he was was probably a better idea.
Better for who? He thought guiltily. Because that plan would mean lying to her and making Tom complicit in that lie. Yet what was the alternative? Tell her with Tom there and risk him being on the end of the kind of insults and truly hurtful things that he knew she was capable of saying? No, he do it later once he was home and safe on the farm with Tom then he phone her. Even that idea twisted uncomfortably in his chest. Perhaps it would be better if he wrote her a letter, he told himself, he could get down on paper what he had to say clearly and he'd get it in the post before he could talk himself out of doing it. But then there would be the wait to find out if she was still talking to him, would she write back? Or phone him? Or would she just blank him from then on. What about his brothers? Should he tell them first or wait and risk them finding it out from his mother? He didn't want them to think that he didn't want to tell them. Maybe he should write the letter out for each of them and post them all at the same time. But then what if the postman lost one of them? Then whoever didn't get once would think they were being snubbed by him. What about James? If he was still on a tour of duty should he post his first, to make sure it got to him at the same time. How much earlier would he need to make it?
Andy opened his eyes, trying to find something to distract himself with. He wasn't going to think about it, because otherwise he'd get himself in such as state that Tom would notice and then what? Tell him that he'd kept their relationship a secret from everybody he knew so far? Risk Tom thinking he was ashamed of him when nothing could be further from the truth?
He looked at Tom was now marking up the wooden blanks for house name and number plates ready for carving. Kind, understanding, unbelievably nice Tom, who'd been through so much, but still cared so much about everybody and everything and made his life better just by being in it. For him, Andy decided he could do anything, and if that meant risking his relationship with his family then he was, for the first time in his life ready to risk it.
Part 20 http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/222968.html
Notes.
With regards to Andy's depression/anxiety in this fic I wanted to say that this isn't going to be one of those 'love cures all' fics or the ones where depression is portrayed as something that is 100% permanent and that once you've become depressed there is absolutely no way out of it other than a life time of medication – they are opposite ends of a spectrum with a myriad of variations in between. So for the purposes of this story Andy still has problems, primarily with anxiety, but he's working on coping strategies and he is starting to get on with living his life again. Information used albeit briefly in this part about situational versus clinical depression and the one in four statistic is taken from a variety of mental health organisations websites.
This is now going AU for Hal and Alex in Being Human portion of the story, as their stories are going back in Barry Island without Tom there, and as such the whole Captain Hatch storyline would have failed to have happened, as it needed all three of them to be there. What actually happens instead I've yet to decided as it doesn't immediately impact on this story as yet.
Also apologies for the lateness of this, I'd wrote a load of it and then realised that Tom already knew about Andy's mum and had to rewrite some of this.
Fandoms Torchwood/Being Human crossover fic.
Characters/pairings Andy Davidson/Tom McNair. Other Torchwood and Being Human characters will appear later on.
Word count: This part 3000 (Total posted 44,550 /90,000)
Rating This part pg (adult over all)
Contains Mentions of depression/anxiety. Mentions of past canon major character death. Mention of minor character death – not canon. In later parts canon level violence, graphic sex, Andy's homophobic mother. Spoilers for Being Human (UK version) up to series 5 episode 3, and for Torchwood up to Children of Earth.
A/N: Crossover with Being Human. Technically a CoE fix it as it's set in the same 'verse as Finding Ways To Smile Again (although that isn't apparent until about 2/3 the way through the story). Follows on from Break and Breakaway from Tom McNair's POV – which is where it breaks from Being Human canon.
Summary
After being pushed out of the police force following the events of Children of Earth, Andy Davidson tries to build a new life for himself in the deep in the Welsh countryside.
Tom McNair walked out off his old life after realising it wasn't what he needed.
A chance meeting would take their lives in directions that they had never expected and bring them love that they'd not thought they'd find.
Starts here: http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/214504.html
How they got out of bed most days he wasn't sure, Andy thought with as smile, as he fixed up the battery powered light in the small makeshift extension they had built to house an indoor toilet. They were definitely still in the massively horny, couldn't keep their hands to themselves phase of a new relationship.
He'd probably had more sex the past few weeks than in the preceding year or two. Finding out what Tom liked, seeing Tom discover new things and finding out new things about himself too was a wonderful, if sometimes pleasantly tiring experience. When you had no interruptions, no work to go to and nothing that needed to be done by a certain time there was definitely the opportunity to explore a lot of possibilities.
He knew they had fallen behind a bit on his plans for renovating the farm house, but the weather had turned wet and cold almost as soon as autumn had started and showed no sign of letting catch a break. Part of him wanted to say screw opening the farm up as a camp site, they could live on his money, they could shut out the world and they'd be fine by themselves. The other, what he hoped was his more rational side, said that was just fear talking, that becoming hiding away, cutting himself off from friends and family wasn't a sensible coping mechanism and that failing to make plans for the future didn't actually help. He was grateful that most of the time and on most days that part of him was winning.
With the light fixed in place, Andy sat down on the box containing the tiles for when they eventually finished plastering the room. It amazed him sometimes, in quiet moments like this when there was time to think, just how much his life had changed in the months since his enforced retirement from the police.
Situational depression and generalised anxiety had been the diagnosis he'd been given at the time. They'd given him the statistics too, one in four people would experience some kind of depression in their life. For some people it was something that was life long while for others it might be a singular episode caused by grief, divorce or loss of a job. They'd explained to him at the time that much of what he was feeling was connected to his service in the police, that if he removed himself from that source of stress, it would be beneficial. The cynical part of him wondered now if they'd just been positioning him to accept the retirement.
Knowing that he'd never have to return to the police station, never had to see the people who didn't speak to him any more and never have to wonder what the conversations they were having and which stopped as soon as they saw him enter the room were about, had been a relief. He'd still felt horrendously guilty about that relief. Fears, that in moments of objectivity he knew were unfounded, still occasionally crept up on him. Like the worry that if he wasn't out on the beat any more anybody who died or was hurt on what had been his patrol route would still somehow be his fault. Even telling himself that there would be another officer on the route now, that he'd often covered other people routes without feeling they were letting the world down, didn't make him feel any better in those moments.
There were a lot less bad moments now though than there had been. Here with just Tom and no more pressing concerns than finishing the extension for the indoor toilet before the weather turned even nastier those fears seemed distant, at least most of the time. Not that being in love had solved everything. As while in the good times it felt wonderful, like he was finally getting something in his life right, in the bad ones it meant there was yet another person he was letting down.
Today, so far at least, was a good day, Andy decided he went back into the living room.
Tom was sitting at the table reading a letter, a birthday card lying on top of its envelope next to his now cold mug of tea.
“It's your birthday?” Andy said in surprised. Logically he knew that Tom had to have a birthday, everybody did, whether they chose to celebrate it or not, he'd just not realised that it was today.
“Not 'til Monday,” Tom said, putting down the letter. “It were just Hal fussing and posting it in plenty of time, either that or he forgot what day it were. Although I reckon Alex must have picked the card, 'cause it don't seem like anything Hal would thought to get.”
“This is the Hal who you lived at the hotel with?” Andy asked, realising that although Tom had talked about his past, it had often been in such general terms that he wasn't always sure just when some of the things happened or where Tom had been at the time.
“Yeah.” Tom smiled broadly. “He's a hotel manager now. Not the old one we live in neither. The Barry Grand. It's right on the sea front too. I worked there for a bit before...” he fidgeted with the edge of the letter, then added quieter, “before I left.”
Grand and Barry Island weren't two words that Andy would have put together. Old amusement arcades, tacky kiss me quick hats, pound shops and a popular TV sitcom, yes, but not much else. “It sounds like things are going well for him. He was the one with the...” Andy stopped trying to find something that sounded better than addiction or drug habit, before settling on the rather vague, “the problem.”
“Yeah, but he says he ain't touched any since I left,” Tom replied proudly. “An' I believe him. He'd said it before an' bin lying, but he were such a knob when he were on it I don't reckon he'd have kept his job if he were.” He turned on to the second page of the letter. “And Alex is living there, not got her door yet.”
Tom sounded like he'd got mixed feelings about that, so Andy doubted something like 'couldn't she nip down B&Q?' would be the right thing to say. “That's good, isn't it?” he said carefully, wondering if it was some kind of slang term that had gone completely over his head.
“Yeah.” Tom still didn't sound totally sure. He looked down at the letter again and then folded it up and put it in his pocket seeming to have decided that what he said had been rather strange. “I mean it's not like a real door or a it's just...well it's hard to explain, it's sort of a special door and I think only she can see it when she finds it. But it's not weird or anything.”
“Oh, right,” Andy replied, now even less certain about what Tom was talking about. With the little that Tom had told him about the old hotel that him, Hal, Alex, Annie and apparently a load of other people had lived in, plus the fact that they all seemed to have rather a lot of issues going on in their lives, he wondered if it had either been a hostel or even a squat. Whatever it was he was glad to hear that at least some of Tom's friends were getting on well in life, especially after all that Tom had told him about losing friends and having no family beyond his late father. Hoping to turn the conversation back towards something that he had a chance of understanding, Andy said, "So have you got any plans or ideas for what you'd like for your birthday?"
Looking like he really hadn't actually thought about it until the card had reminded him, Tom said, “No,I mean I 'spose a cake or something from the bakery in town and we have a few drinks. I don't mind really. Ain't like it's a big one this year."
"Let me know if you get any ideas," Andy said, doubting that Tom would ask him for any thing. Which meant he really needed to think of something himself and Andy freely admitted he was rubbish at buying presents at the best of times, and four days wasn't long to get anything, especially when he had absolutely no idea what to get for him. They'd only been in a relationship for a few weeks, so he didn't want to go too extravagant or expensive as he knew Tom would be all awkward about it and would feel that he needed to do the same when it came round to his birthday. Electronic gadgets weren't really Tom's thing, he'd still not quite managed to get the hang of texting on the very basic mobile he'd eventually bought and most of the rest he didn't really see a point to. Nor did Tom seem to have any favourite bands or films that he could get DVDs of, and he didn't seem to borrow any books from the library in Rhayader, so beyond the ones that Tom had borrowed of his own he didn't know what he'd really be interested in reading. Clothes were a possibility, not that he liked clothes shopping, he didn't, although clothes didn't seem right as the only present, but a couple of thick jumpers might not be a bad idea given how cold the days were getting.
Taking Tom into Cardiff and letting him have a look round the shopping centres and so that when he saw something that he liked and he could buy it for him was probably the best plan, Andy decided. He could take him out for a meal as well and maybe even meet up with Gwen for a drink. They'd have to go at the weekend though as the last thing he wanted was to run into his mother doing her shopping, which was always done on a Monday. Coming out to her in the middle of a busy shop with half of Cardiff staring at him was a pretty terrifying thought.
Trying not entirely successfully to sound casual about it, Andy said, “I've been meaning to go into Cardiff for a while as there are a few things that I need to get. Do you fancy coming with me? We could make a weekend of it? Go Saturday morning, stay overnight, maybe go out for a meal, come back on Sunday.”
“Saturday?” Tom said, not sounding remotely enthusiastic about the idea. “I can't, I've got a load of carvings to finish, and I said I'd help out on the Mrs Griffiths from the craft shop on the market selling stuff.”
“It's only a couple of hours drive,” Andy said, hoping that Tom would agree to a compromise. “We could go after the market has finished. It's done by four, isn't it? I could come into Rhayader and pick you up. We could drive down to Cardiff, find somewhere to stay and get an early start on Sunday.”
“Nah, it's not really my thing,” Tom replied, turning away. “Anyway, I'd better get a start on these.” He pointed to a box of pieces of wood cut into rough rectangles. “I said I've have some house number things done. You should go though, if we need the stuff. I reckon it'll get right hard to get out of this place once the weather get bad.”
“Well if you're sure,” Andy said disappointed, but not wanting to push it. Especially not as since Tom had politely, but firmly told him the day after they'd started to sleep together that he didn't want to be paid for working on the farm any more and the sale of the wood carvings had become Tom's only source of income. Not that there was anything he needed to pay for as Andy paid all the bills and bought the shopping, but having the money and independence to buy anything else he needed was a good thing as far as Andy was concerned and he wasn't going to do anything to threaten it.
Perhaps having a day apart might even do them some good. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, not that he wanted there to be much of an absence. There had only been a couple of nights since they'd begun their relationship when they'd not spent the night in the same bed. Both times Tom had been restless for a couple of days before hand and had as evening approached said he was going out for a walk and that walking in the dark cleared his head. He'd worried about him, but both times in the morning Tom had been back at the house when he'd woken up, looking happier than he'd done the previous evening. Walking around in the cold and dark wasn't his own idea of fun or calming, but it seemed to work for Tom so he went along with it. Not wanting Tom to think that he was too disappointed, Andy added, “I should probably call in on my mam, let her know how things are going.”
“Does she live in Cardiff then?”
Andy nodded. “Yes, and so does David.”
“Who's David?” Tom asked, putting the box down on the table.
Andy sat down on the sofa, wondering why he'd not told Tom anything about his family until now. “He's my oldest brother,”
“You've got brothers and sisters?” Tom asked, caught somewhere between sad and envious.
“Just brothers,” Andy replied. It had been a long time since he'd seen them, and even longer since they'd all been together. Between all their jobs it had made it difficult to find a time when they all were in the same county, never mind all in Cardiff. “There's three of them and they're all a fair bit older than me, David will be fifty next year. Then there's James, he's out on HMS Montrose at the moment, and there's Simon who lives over in Cowbridge. I don't really see them that much any more. Never really were that close I guess.”
“Oh, right,” Tom said, not sounding like he really understood why. “Well I guess I'll meet them all one day, won't I?”
That was a whole conversation that he didn't want to get into right now, so Andy just nodded and said, “Of course.”
Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Tom gave him a happy smile and turned back to his carvings.
It could work, Andy told himself as he leant back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He'd have to tell his family about Tom eventually. He wanted Tom in his life and he could hardly hide him and their relationship from them forever, so he'd have to tell them the truth. That while he'd dated women, there had been men too and now that he'd found Tom he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He loved him, nothing was going to change that, so they would just have to get used to the idea.
It was far easier said that done though, especially given what he knew his mother's feeling to be on the matter. Although she was contrary enough about some issues that knowing for certain exactly how she'd react was an impossibility. The fact that Christmas was just six weeks away did give him one idea on how to start getting them used to the idea. He knew his mum would have the inevitable questions about what he was doing to for Christmas and although part of him wanted to tell her that he'd made plans, taking Tom with him and letting her see what a nice person he was was probably a better idea.
Better for who? He thought guiltily. Because that plan would mean lying to her and making Tom complicit in that lie. Yet what was the alternative? Tell her with Tom there and risk him being on the end of the kind of insults and truly hurtful things that he knew she was capable of saying? No, he do it later once he was home and safe on the farm with Tom then he phone her. Even that idea twisted uncomfortably in his chest. Perhaps it would be better if he wrote her a letter, he told himself, he could get down on paper what he had to say clearly and he'd get it in the post before he could talk himself out of doing it. But then there would be the wait to find out if she was still talking to him, would she write back? Or phone him? Or would she just blank him from then on. What about his brothers? Should he tell them first or wait and risk them finding it out from his mother? He didn't want them to think that he didn't want to tell them. Maybe he should write the letter out for each of them and post them all at the same time. But then what if the postman lost one of them? Then whoever didn't get once would think they were being snubbed by him. What about James? If he was still on a tour of duty should he post his first, to make sure it got to him at the same time. How much earlier would he need to make it?
Andy opened his eyes, trying to find something to distract himself with. He wasn't going to think about it, because otherwise he'd get himself in such as state that Tom would notice and then what? Tell him that he'd kept their relationship a secret from everybody he knew so far? Risk Tom thinking he was ashamed of him when nothing could be further from the truth?
He looked at Tom was now marking up the wooden blanks for house name and number plates ready for carving. Kind, understanding, unbelievably nice Tom, who'd been through so much, but still cared so much about everybody and everything and made his life better just by being in it. For him, Andy decided he could do anything, and if that meant risking his relationship with his family then he was, for the first time in his life ready to risk it.
Part 20 http://the-silver-sun.livejournal.com/222968.html
Notes.
With regards to Andy's depression/anxiety in this fic I wanted to say that this isn't going to be one of those 'love cures all' fics or the ones where depression is portrayed as something that is 100% permanent and that once you've become depressed there is absolutely no way out of it other than a life time of medication – they are opposite ends of a spectrum with a myriad of variations in between. So for the purposes of this story Andy still has problems, primarily with anxiety, but he's working on coping strategies and he is starting to get on with living his life again. Information used albeit briefly in this part about situational versus clinical depression and the one in four statistic is taken from a variety of mental health organisations websites.
This is now going AU for Hal and Alex in Being Human portion of the story, as their stories are going back in Barry Island without Tom there, and as such the whole Captain Hatch storyline would have failed to have happened, as it needed all three of them to be there. What actually happens instead I've yet to decided as it doesn't immediately impact on this story as yet.
Also apologies for the lateness of this, I'd wrote a load of it and then realised that Tom already knew about Andy's mum and had to rewrite some of this.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
As someone who is all too familiar with anxiety issues, I will feel more settled when they share their truths and fears, so they can support each other rather than continue to ratchet up their inner turmoil by keeping secrets.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-14 01:10 pm (UTC)They will, over the course of the next 6 or 7 parts, finally get just about everything out in the open, both with each other and for Andy with his family as well.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-14 07:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-10-14 02:13 pm (UTC)I'm going to try to get the next part up on Wednesday as otherwise I'm going to get even further behind with posting as I really wanted to get the story finished this year.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-15 07:04 am (UTC)