Fic: After all is said and done

[silver_sun]

 Originally posted 28/12/2006

Title: After all is said and done
Author liveforever5000  aka the_silver_sun
Rating: G
Word count: 1500
Spoilers: up to episode 5.
Pairing: Jack/Ianto - Although could be read as friendship rather than slash.

Ianto watches the CCTV as the SUV parks up.

Gwen and Tosh get out first, quickly exiting the vehicle and heading up the steps to the hub. Something has gone wrong out there today, of that Ianto is certain.

Owen gets out next, slamming his door behind him, he turns back to shout something at Jack who still sat in the driver seat, before hurrying after Gwen and Tosh.

We really should get a sound option installed on these camera’s, thinks Ianto a little distractedly, that way I’d know what kind of pandemonium is likely to occur and how much mess it’s likely to involve.

A moment later Jack gets out of the SUV and leans with his back against the driver door, head bowed slightly. Something in hunch of his shoulders tells Ianto that something was definitely wrong.
Jack looks up as if seeking something in the concrete and pipes above him before dragging the heel of his hand across his eyes. Shaking his head Jack stands up wiping his hand across his eyes again, then heads for the stairs and is out of view.

Unnerved is the best way Ianto can describe his feelings at the present moment. He knows he shouldn’t care about Jack. Jack had destroyed the one person that had made his life worthwhile.
It still hurt to think about Lisa. He wants to remember the good times, the quiet evenings spent in their flat curled up together on the sofa watching movies, that amazing holiday in France, how it felt just to hold her and to be held.

But now all the memories are forever tainted by blood and metal, by what she was at the end. She hadn’t been his Lisa, not then.

It hurts to admit it, even to himself that the being who died down in that basement wasn’t the woman that he’d seriously considered spending the rest of his life with. It doesn’t stop the pain though, doesn’t lessen the grief. But it allowed him, once the worse of the anger had died, to reflect on the actions of the rest of the Torchwood team, and from somewhere find it within himself to, if not forgive their actions, then to at least understand them.
To understand why Jack had done what he did, and it had been with a cold chill of fear that Ianto realised that had the circumstances been reversed, had he been in Jack's place, he would have acted as Jack had, made the same call, and that more than anything else left him feeling dead inside.

Taking a couple of deep breaths Ianto turns away from the monitors and heads down to the kitchen. Make them coffee and hopefully they will talk about what happened out there today. Are you really sure you want to know? He wonders as he turns on the coffee machine.

The atmosphere in the hub is decidedly tense as Ianto hands each of them their mugs, well hands Owen, Gwen and Tosh their coffees, as Jack is nowhere to be seen.

"I still cannot believe he did it." Gwen sounds shocked a little tearful, "to let that poor little girl…" she shakes her head and drinks her coffee.

"I know." Tosh is working half-heartedly on her translation program. More out of a need of something to occupy her mind, to distract her from what had happened than anything else, Ianto suspects.

Owen fidgets with pens, paperclips and just about everything else at his somewhat untidy workstation. "Brings a whole new meaning to away with the fairies don’t it."

Ianto can hear the bitterness there, hidden behind his usual sarcasm.

"How could he just let her go? Let those things take her?" Gwen doesn’t sound like she is going to drop it, "I mean there must have been something we could have done. We’re supposed to stop creatures, monsters like that aren’t we?"

"I don’t know." Owen screws up papers on his desk and throws them into the nearest bin, "it’s this place, Torchwood it screws with your head, you end up doing things, agreeing with things that you shouldn’t ever do." Another ball of paper bounces into the bin.

"That’s what Suzie said." Tosh's voice is sad. "she said it changes you, that it gets inside you. What if she was right?" Fear creeping into her voice, "what if we all end up like her?" She looks up at Jacks office, "or Jack?"

Gwen shoots her a questioning glance.

But it is Owen that answers, "he doesn’t think like us, not like normal people. Come on I’m just saying what everybody’s thinking." He sounds bitter as grabs his jacket from where he has thrown it on the floor next to his desk. "Sometimes I wonder if he’s even still human."

Gwen stares at him mouth slightly open as if trying to find something to say.

"I told him as much, don’t care if he fires me or sends me off to Torchwood two, I’ve had about all I can take of him and this nuthouse." Owen tugs on his jacket, "don’t know about you lot but I’m bloody glad it’s nearly the weekend, so I’m leaving early going to the pub, few clubs and then I’m going to get laid and try to forget this place." Without a backward glance he hurries up the steps and out of the Hub.

"What about you Ianto?" Tosh smiles sadly and places her mug back on the tray. "What do you think?"

"I think that…" Ianto weighs his words carefully before answering, "I think that there are no easy choices. The Captain must have had his reasons to do as he did, and we should respect that. Now if there is nothing else I’ll go feed Myfanwy and make sure that there is nobody waiting up at the reception desk."

Picking up Owen's discarded mug and placing on the tray next to Tosh’s Ianto hurries out of the Hub, before Gwen or Tosh can ask him any more questions that cannot, or will not want to answer.

Leaving the tray and mugs on the table in the kitchen Ianto leans against the wall for a moment and wonders what to do.

Sensibly nothing, Jack would appear in his own time act like nothing had happened and everything would go on as normal.

But sensible, Ianto thinks with a sigh, has taken a back seat lately, so straightening his suit and tie Ianto heads up to Jacks office.

The hatch to Jack's bedroom, living space or what ever it is, Ianto was never quite sure what to call it, is open, and with some trepidation he climbs down.

Jack sits on the narrow bed, coat flung on the floor, a glass of whisky in his hand and a half empty bottle at his feet. He doesn’t look up as Ianto walks over to him.

"I suppose they all told you what a monster I am." His voice is rough like he doesn’t really want to speak or doesn’t know what to say, "proved you right didn’t I, you come to gloat?" He finishes the glass then pours himself another.

Ianto reaches out his hand brushing lightly across the back of Jacks to cover the glass before he can raise it, "No I haven’t, I was concerned."

Jack lowers the glass and looks up, eyes a little red, "why do you care?"

"Honestly? I don’t know." Ianto sits down on the bed beside Jack.

"But I do know that what you did today you didn’t do lightly, whatever they say. If there had been any other way you would have taken it, I know you, you don’t let the monsters win. Those things had killed, they would have kept on killing."

Wrapping his fingers around the glass Ianto takes it easily from Jacks hand, placing it on the floor out of reach, "this stuff won't make it any better you know."

"I know." It is a sigh.

Ianto gives Jacks shoulder a squeeze as he stands up, "I’ll make us some coffee."

Ianto is nearly out of the hatch when Jack speaks again.

"I hate it you know." His voice is tired, "I hate having to decide who lives or dies. I never wanted this, this responsibility, Torchwood was only ever meant to be a means to an end, a way out."

"I know Jack, I know." It’s sad because he does know. Ianto knows how lonely Jack is, but he cannot go to him, cannot offer him comfort as he did on the night Suzie died. It still hurts too much, the memories of Jack holding a gun to his head, of him ordering him to kill the thing that had taken his beautiful Lisa’s face, had twisted her into something that killed, is still too fresh in his mind.

He hears Jack pick up the bottle.

"If you ever want to talk." Ianto says quietly as he leaves, but he knows that Jack won’t.

 Edit: Have tweaked the formating and punctuation a bit  6/1/07